When Grief Comes in Waves: Learning to Move with the Tide

Grief often feels like the ocean—vast, unpredictable, and capable of knocking you off your feet without warning. One moment the water is calm enough to stand in; the next, a wave rises out of nowhere and pulls you under. If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. Grief moves in rhythms, and recovery isn’t about controlling the sea but learning how to navigate it.

Waves Don’t Follow Rules—and Neither Does Grief

Many people believe they should be “over it” by a certain point, as though grief were a straight path with clear milestones. But grief behaves more like the tide. It comes and goes. It swells and recedes. Some days the waves are gentle; other days they crash with a force that takes your breath away.

Healing begins when we stop expecting the ocean to stay still. You’re not failing when the waves return. You’re simply human.

Letting the Waves Move Through You

Each wave carries something different—sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, even moments of unexpected peace. Trying to hold back the tide only exhausts you. Allowing the waves to rise and fall, without judging yourself for their intensity, is an act of deep self‑compassion.

Some people find it helpful to name the wave they’re in:

• "This is a wave of longing"

• "This is a wave of anger"

• "This is a wave of missing them"

Naming the wave doesn’t make it smaller, but it can make it less overwhelming. It reminds you that waves pass, even the heavy ones.

Anchors That Help You Stay Steady

Support—whether from friends, family, or a counsellor—acts like an anchor. It doesn’t stop the waves, but it helps you stay grounded as they move through you.

Books can also offer comfort and guidance during these shifting tides. Two particularly supportive resources include:

• The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman — a practical, step‑by‑step guide for working through unresolved grief and finding emotional completion.

  https://amzn.to/46aiyFx

• Loss by Donna Ashworth — a beautifully gentle collection of reflections that speak directly to the heart of grief, offering solace when the waves feel strongest.

  https://amzn.to/3NGjtY6

Learning to Swim Again

Recovery doesn’t mean the waves disappear. It means you become more confident in your ability to float, to breathe, to find moments of calm between the swells. Over time, you may notice:

• Longer stretches of calm water

• A growing sense of balance

• The ability to anticipate and ride the waves

• New routines that support your wellbeing

• A gentle return of joy, without guilt

You’re not “moving on.” You’re learning to move with the tide.

You Deserve Kindness as You Navigate the Sea

If you’re grieving, please remember: you are not expected to swim perfectly. You are not expected to stay strong in every moment. You are allowed to rest on the shore, to wade slowly, to ask for help when the waves feel too big.

Grief changes the shape of the coastline, but it also reveals new depths of resilience, empathy, and connection. With time, support, and compassion, you can learn to navigate this ocean—one wave at a time.